Markets Crater Post-Breast AS Trump Proclaims America 'Is Healing'

Donald Trump Upended the Global Economy on Wednesday by Announcing a Sweeping Package of Tariffs On Goods Imported Intited States. The Move is Expected to significantly Increated The Price of Foreign-Produced Goods-from produces, to Alcohol, To Cars, and Beyond.

The White House Seemed to Be Well Aware of the Likelihood The Norteuncement would Create Massive Economic Chaos, As It Delayed the President's “Liberation Day” Event Until After The Markets Closed for the Day. They reopened on thursday, though, and… yeah, it's not look for good.

The S&P 500 is on track for its Worst Day in Two Years, Quickly Dropping 3.6 Percent, While the Dow Jones Industrial Averal and the Nasdaq Both Dropped Over 3 percent. Several Major Multinational Corporations were Hit Hard, As Well, with equities that declined Outnumbering Equities That Saw Gains by 6 to 1, for CNBC.

Trump, Meanwhile, Is Proclaiming Victory – Apparently Based on the fact that the United States Continues to exist the Morning After He Threw a Grenade Into the Economy. “The Operation is over! The Patient Lived, and is Healing,” He Wrote on Truth Social. “The prognosis is that the patient will be far, bigger, beter, and more resilient than ever before. Make America Great Again !!!”

Trump's minions have been blitzing news program to do damage control.

Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins Went on Fox Business to Proclaim a “Whole New World” Because of Trump's “Liberation Day,” as the Network Display Tickers Showing Sharp Decline of the S&P, Dow, and Nasdaq Next to Her As She Spoke. “We are reality, Really Excited, and very grateful for president Trump's leadership,” Rollins Said.

Billionaire Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick Went On CBS TO LAUD HOW THE RATS WILL TURN The United States Into “The Most Extraordinary, The Most Powerful Place” and that “Americani Are Behind Donald Trump.” When Asked How Long American are going to Have to Wait to start the supposed Benefits of Trump's Tariffs, Lutnik Said at Least Some of Them Will Be immediate: “You're Going to See Employment Leaping Starting Toray.”

Stellantis NV, Which Owns Chrysler and Makes Ram Trucks and Jeepps, AnnoUond Around the Same Time Lutnick was speaking that the company is temporangily laying off 900 world at Five Facilities as a result of Trump's Tariffs, and is pausing production at Two Plants in Canada and Canada and Mexico.

Rollins and Lutnick Both Acknowledged That The Tariffs Will Mean Higher Prices For Americans. Treasury Secretary Scott Beesent, Whho Has Previusly Admitted Prices Will Go Up As A Resault of The Tariffs, Seed Hesitant to do so While Speaking With Cnn Wednesday Night, Suggesting Absurdly That Maybe Business Will Just Eat The Costs Themselves. He didn't have a clear answer Whele Asked When he Expected the Markets to Open on Thursday. “I Don't Know,” he Said. “I Don't Know Where It's Going To Open Tomorrow, I Don't Know Where It's Going To Close Tomorrow.”

Well, Now We Know The First Answer.