After a miserable NFL parody cold open and a cheeky monologue featuring host Dakota Johnson (dressed to the nines in a black jumpsuit reminiscent of Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Fleabag), musical guest Justin Timberlake, and his pal Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live Weekend Update co-anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che took over.
And you just knew they were going to address columnist E. Jean Carroll’s defamation trial win over Donald Trump.
Yes, in June of 2019, Carroll penned a column in The Cut alleging that Trump had sexually assaulted her in the dressing room of New York City department store Bergdorf Goodman in the Nineties. Trump repeatedly smeared Carroll, so she sued him for battery and defamation. In May of last year, a jury awarded Carroll $5 million in damages, finding that he defamed her and sexually abused her. After Trump continued to smear her, Carroll asked for additional damages in her defamation ruling. And, on January 26, a judge ordered Trump to pay Carroll $83.3 million.
“The jury in his defamation case has ordered Donald Trump to pay writer E. Jean Carroll $83.3 million dollars. And, uh, Trump is a billionaire, so obviously, he immediately hit up your grandma for five bucks,” cracked Jost, throwing to a graphic of one of Trump’s desperate campaign emails requesting donations.
“They ordered Trump to pay $83 million. That’s how unlikable he is,” added Jost. “For perspective, O.J. Simpson had to pay only $33 million for a double murder.”
“He didn’t even do it!” chimed in Che, in jest.
Jost wasn’t done.
“This trial must have driven Trump crazy,” he offered. “The judge kept telling him to shut up. The jury made him pay triple what the victim asked for. Even the courtroom sketch artist made him look like that lady who got her face ripped off by a monkey. The only way this would have gone worse for Trump is if they took away his businesses, which is of course what happens in next week’s trial.”
The comedian was referring to Trump’s civil trial in New York, wherein New York Attorney General Letitia James is seeking a $370 million fine of Trump — plus interest — for allegedly overvaluing his assets for over a decade, which allowed the Trump family to fraudulently rake in around $370 million.
